I never knew our décor could affect our relationship—until we got a new sofa

For years, our family of five had a living room with only a three-seater sofa and an armchair. Because that gave us just four seats, we often squeezed in together to watch TV. Our simple gray sofa also played a big role in keeping our relationship strong during those early years with small children: for my spouse and me, time together usually meant watching a TV show on the couch.

Squeezing onto the sofa came to mind as I read Helsingin Sanomat about an interview with a couples therapist on the importance of touch. According to this expert, there are everyday, emotional, and sexual forms of touch. Warm, thoughtful everyday touch helps maintain a sense of closeness among family members. In the therapist’s view, everyday touch might be a kiss before heading to work or a quick pat on the shoulder as you pass by. Cuddling on the couch in front of the TV also counts as everyday touch.

Now our children are older and I usually watch TV with my husband, just the two of us. We’ve also updated our living room décor and now have two sofas. The overall look is harmonious, and seating guests so they face each other on separate sofas feels almost luxurious.

But I never really noticed that this decorating choice affects our relationship. It’s clear that having two sofas has cut down the everyday touch in our living room. In the evenings, I relax on one sofa and my spouse on the other. We usually only reach for each other when we want snacks from the table between us.

Are we going to give up our second sofa for the sake of our relationship? Of course not. Sometimes we need all the seating we can get. But from now on, I’ll join my spouse on his sofa whenever I want to be near him, not just when there's something scary on TV.