A divorced mother solved her housing dilemma by founding a commune for single parents—“I thought there must be others in a similar situation”
In a single-parent commune in Vantaa, children’s friends and parental peer support are all under one roof. There can be occasional disagreements over household chores, but the children always have playmates and the adults someone to chat with.
“Quiet time starts at nine; this is a child-friendly and substance-free commune,” Henrica Fagerlund says.
Henrica is a founding member of the single-parent commune. Still, she finds it hard to recall how many people live in the commune now.
“I think there are ten adults and six children. This house has eight bedrooms, and there’s one more in the outbuilding.”
It’s not a surprise that Henrica needs a moment to answer, as the resident population of the large detached house changes frequently. Old residents leave, and new ones arrive. The newest residents moved their belongings in just over a week ago.
In addition to five single-parent families, the commune is home to one couple and three single people.
The commune came into being four years ago when Henrica was in the process of divorcing her spouse. She was considering getting a new home for herself and her then 5-year-old daughter, Aurelia.
“I felt really lonely. I thought that if I moved to live alone with my daughter, it would only get worse,” Henrica says.
“As a solution, I came up with a commune. I thought there must be others in a similar situation.”
Henrica wrote a message in the Facebook group ‘Kommuunit Koolle’ (“Communes Assemble”). From there, she found a group of over ten people interested in communal living.
Finding a home for such a large group was difficult. Henrica checked out several apartments, but none seemed suitable.
Finally, they found a handsome, nearly 300-square-meter detached house in Vapaala, Vantaa. It had enough rooms to create a peaceful nook for each household.
“At first, the landlord was a bit puzzled with our motley group. But in the end, we were able to rent it,” Henrica says.
The group decided on an arrangement where Henrica is the main tenant, and the other residents are her subtenants.
- Residents of the house: 10 adults and six children.
- Living space: Approximately 300 square meters.
- Facilities: 9 rooms, a kitchen, and an outbuilding studio in a detached house.
- Number of toilets: 3. “That’s enough for us; there are no queues.”
- Housing costs: 3,050 euros per month.
A tiny room has been built in the former walk-in closet. It consists of a narrow corridor and a low sleeping area. There is no window, but that doesn’t matter. Fresh air and birdsong flow into the space through the ventilation duct.
Suvi Lehtonen slips behind the curtain to lounge on her bed.
“You get a really deep sleep here,” says Suvi, who lives alone.
Suvi’s nook is one of the smallest in the commune. Most of the rooms are of normal size. The largest are reserved for those with families.
Henrica and Aurelia live downstairs near the shared living room. The high-ceilinged space has been separated from the living room with a partition wall that was built later.
“We actually have two rooms here. You can’t go to Aurelia’s side without an invitation,” Henrica laughs.
The girl’s domain consists of a loft bed. There’s a spacious bed upstairs with stuffed animals, and downstairs is play space and a small table. Aurelia proudly shows off her treasures that she has received from the other residents of the house—a dressing table and a used computer, among other things.
Henrica’s room, in turn, is a small sleeping area with shelves next to Aurelia’s loft bed. Each household having their own room behind a closed door means they get to have their privacy.
”The atmosphere in the kitchen is wonderfully packed.”
Companionship can be found in the shared spaces: the kitchen, living room, upstairs lobby, utility room, and sauna.
Around the kitchen table, people have gathered to eat frozen pizza and drink coffee with oat milk. The residents grab slices of pizza.
“We don’t usually cook together for the whole group; everyone handles their own meals. Spontaneously, of course, someone might ask if anyone would like leftovers,” Aino Nuolioja says.
In the corner of the kitchen stand two large refrigerators; in the utility room, there are two more freezers.
Each household has its own shelf in the refrigerator. Similarly, everyone has their own pantry cupboard shelf or drawer. There are also designated places for food that is shared.
“We mark foods and fruits that are for shared use by drawing a heart on them,” Henrica explains.
In a big house, there’s also a lot to clean, organize, and take care of.
The commune members have compiled household chores into a long list. Everyone has their own areas of responsibility. For example, cleaning the toilets is Aino’s responsibility, while Henrica takes care of keeping the kitchen and living room tidy.
If chores have been handled inadequately, you can always check the list to see who to remind.
“It’s better to speak up than to try to just tolerate it,” Suvi says.
When several families live under the same roof, conflicts inevitably arise. People are different, and perceptions of things like cleanliness vary.
“Often, tensions arise over small things. For example, it starts to bother me if emptying the bio-waste bin always falls to me,” Suvi says.
“To sum up, people get upset if giving and receiving aren’t in balance,” Henrica says.
Arguments eventually arise if someone participates less than others, and others have to do more correspondingly.
Common issues are discussed in occasional house meetings. In the kitchen, there’s a notebook where residents can write down topics to be addressed at the next meeting: upstairs bathroom cabinet allocation, designated hooks for children, lost and found rules, and so on.
“Sometimes the discussions in the meetings have gotten quite lively,” Henrica says.
Even though living together sometimes leads to quarrels, living in the commune also gives and teaches a lot.
Henrica has learned to put the common good before her own advantage in matters related to living. It’s not worth stubbornly pushing your own opinion. When others are happy, you feel good too.
There’s always life in the commune. Children have friends, and adults have someone to talk to.
“We came here to escape the tablet. When there are friends around, children don’t want to stare at a screen. I like it too. When my child has fallen asleep, I can chat with friends in the kitchen,” Aino describes.
”A common topic of conversation is communication with the ex-spouse. How to make it go smoothly?”
Around the table, adults talk about decisions related to the children, news from daycare, or choosing a school.
A common topic is also communication with the ex-spouse. How to make it go smoothly?
Quick trips to the store are also easy for parents when they can ask a housemate to watch their child.
“However, you can’t just leave a small child at home and trust that someone will supervise. You always have to agree specifically who is on watch,” Henrica says.
Now the commune needs to find a new resident. Suvi is moving to Japan where her boyfriend lives.
When rooms become available, residents advertise in Facebook commune groups, and interested candidates are invited to visit.
“With the candidates, we mutually feel out whether they could fit into our group and whether this kind of living feels good to them,” Henrica explains.
Of the community’s original residents, only Henrica and Aurelia remain.
Changing residents always raises the commune’s stress levels a bit. Will a new resident be found? Will the newcomer fit in with the others?
“Some people have not settled in and have left. On the other hand, sometimes someone who initially seemed a bit dubious has turned out to be the most warm-hearted and wonderful person,” Henrica says.
