Single parents’ shared home—Tinna and her friend moved in together when rents kept climbing

“That bedroom could work for the teenager, and the other one for the school-age child. On the terrace, we would plant flowers, and the kitchen would have enough space for a dining table for all five of us.”

Last fall, whenever my good friend and I met up, we’d open a certain rental listing. We’d study the floor plan and imagine how we’d set up the place if we lived there together.

I’m a single parent, but I’ve always dreamed of having a big family.

In September 2022, my child and I moved into our new home and instantly found ourselves in a wonderful community. There are five of us living in a three-story, 146-square-meter half of a semi-detached house: me and my 11-year-old, plus my good friend with her 14- and 11-year-olds. She’s also a single parent. Our landlord was perfectly fine with us renting the home as roommates.

Now that my friend and I share our daily life, I have the big family I always wanted, plus many other things I’d been missing.

Monsteras are my roommate’s and my favorite plants, and we have several at home. We love decorating our shared place with flea market finds.

The idea of living together came about because of money. My friend—now my roommate—and I both lived in city-owned rental apartments. Over the years, rent kept going up so much we both started considering a move.

At first, the idea of having a roommate felt strange at this stage of life, since we both have kids. Usually, roommates are for your younger years when money is tight. On the other hand, housing costs have risen so much that many working adults could benefit from having a roommate.

We went back and forth on the idea for about three months. In fact, my friend’s child was the one who first asked if we could live under the same roof. We were already spending a lot of time together as families before we moved in.

Finally, my friend and I wrote out the pros and cons of sharing a home. We found plenty of pros, like extra space, lower costs, and another adult to help out. We’ve known each other for about ten years. We first met through a Facebook group for parents and hit it off right away.

The only real drawback I saw was that my child would have to change schools. What if living together didn’t work out? But all the kids seemed to get more and more excited, and so did we.

We loved that the new place had a yard and our own sauna. We decided to go for it.

Being responsible for so many things makes having a roommate as an adult very different from having one when you’re younger.

I had quite a few roommates before I had my child, but it’s totally different when both of you have families. It was a big change for the kids, so we wanted the arrangement to work well. We discussed these points before moving in:

Room assignments. Having my own room was a must for me. I figured I’d need time to decompress after work. I’m a playground instructor and also create social media content.

I did get my own room on the middle floor, which also has two other bedrooms. Mine is the smallest, but it fits my closets, bed, and desk—everything I need. I don’t really need more personal space.

Once we moved, I realized my 40-minute bus commute is enough time to recharge. I listen to a podcast, and by the time I get home, I’m ready to talk.

Downstairs, there’s an entryway, a bathroom, and a combined kitchen-living area. If my roommate’s cooking when I arrive, I’ll go join her and ask about the best part of her day—and what annoyed her.

The top floor is an open loft. My roommate and one of her kids live up there, divided by the staircase.

Having hotel-style breakfasts is something we enjoy doing together.

Cooking and cleaning were next on our list. We figured each family would mostly buy and cook their own meals. It’s simpler for both money and grocery shopping. Sometimes, though, we cook together for everyone.

As adults, we clean whenever we can. On weekends, we might spend a couple of hours cleaning together.

We assigned each child two “trash duty” days a week, when they have to see if the trash needs taking out.

Budget discussions were especially important. My roommate and I split all housing bills 50-50. That means we both pay the same for rent, electricity, and internet.

When we were planning to share a home, we considered potential issues. Money was one: if you can’t trust the other person to pay her share, it won’t work. But we’ve always found finances easy to manage. Even before living under the same roof we would always get back any money we lent each other. Mutual trust with money was a big reason I was open to living with my friend.

Now that we live together, we’ve also bought a few things together and split the costs: terrace furniture, a couch, and some houseplants from flea markets.

After moving, my housing costs stayed about the same as in my old apartment, but I’m getting so much more space. My old place was a 65-square-meter two-bedroom in an apartment building. Now we have a big house, a glass-enclosed balcony, a sauna, a yard, and small terraces on both sides.

If everything keeps going smoothly and we can afford this larger place, I could see myself staying for years.

My room is pink. Everyone is free to design their own room as they like. I got the “Tympeät tytöt” (“Grumpy Girls”) poster at an exhibition.

Guests were our next subject. I personally don’t invite people over very often. I’m usually too tired. My roommate, on the other hand, brings friends over regularly, and that’s fine by me. We decided there would be no need to ask first.

If I’m not in the mood, I can always retreat to my room. Our kids have visitors sometimes, but they usually prefer to go outside.

We even talked about dating. That cracked me up because I haven’t gone on a date in ten years. I told my roommate that if it ever happens, I won’t bring anyone here. Dealing with guys on top of everything would be too much.

A few months after we moved, my roommate had a birthday. Early in the morning, I crept down to the kitchen to make a surprise breakfast.

Her child was already there doing the same thing. We boiled eggs and baked frozen croissants. I ran to the corner store for fresh bread.

I forgot to pick up flowers. When I got back, my roommate’s child went out to buy some. We all love hotel breakfasts, so it felt great to sit down and enjoy a relaxed meal together.

Companionship was exactly what I was looking for in a shared-living arrangement. My roommate, one of her kids, and I have a nice little tradition: on weekdays, we make an evening snack and watch 90 Day Fiancé in the living room. The other two kids do their own thing, and that’s fine with everyone.

I think the kids also feel like we’re a family. One of them asked if we could plan a Friday night dinner together, set the table nicely, and eat as a group. Another said how safe it feels here because someone’s always around.

I’ve told all the kids that now there are two adults, so if there’s anything they don’t want to tell their own mom, they can talk to the other adult.

My friend and I talked about parenting a lot even before we lived together. If one of us was dealing with an issue, we’d brainstorm solutions.

Now we’re under the same roof. We don’t step in on each other’s parenting unless asked, but it’s nice knowing there’s another adult around. And we can be direct with each other if needed.

For instance, if her child forgets to take out the trash, we can politely point it out to him or to her, who can remind him.

We also have five pet rats: the two in the photo are Ellinora and Doris.

When I think about my old home, living separately with just our own families now feels odd.

I’ve got myself a partner in crime for all my projects. We’re almost always doing something. We’re both into DIY and have built, for example, a side table next to the sofa in the living room with a USB charging port hidden inside. We also made a little plant stand for the living room and a side table for the kitchen. In summer, we plant potatoes in the yard.

I used to dream about getting a pet, but on my own, I felt I had enough responsibility. Now we have five rats together.

If we hadn’t moved in together, I’d be much more lonely. Now I have this wonderful shared life—rats and all.”