“We got rid of more than three trailer loads”—decluttering transformed Henrika’s relationship with stuff

“I got into decluttering five years ago. Before that, I’d been accepting things from my grandparents, parents, and acquaintances because I figured we had plenty of space.

I come from a family that holds on to things tooth and nail and often forms a strong emotional bond with them. I lived that way too, and that’s why learning to let go was really painful at first.

Everything changed when I became pregnant a couple of years ago. The very first thing I did was put a stop to the stream of stuff flowing into our home. That meant I said no to everything people wanted to give the baby.

It felt like offers of stuff were coming from every direction, but the further my pregnancy progressed, the easier it became to stick to my boundaries without feeling guilty. I knew I’d get overwhelmed having to go through donations, wondering what might be useful sometime in the future.

My boundaries grew even stronger after my child was born. I wrote on the naming ceremony invitation that, instead of a present, people could contribute to the child’s savings account. I think it’s selfish to expect that, in the thick of life with a baby, I would take in everything offered just so the gift-giver can feel good.

Not everyone close to me could accept that I only want the child to receive gifts at Christmas and on birthdays. One relationship even ended because of that decision.

Of course it’s hard to let go of people, but I felt lighter once the conflict was gone. I don’t want relationships in my life where my boundaries aren’t respected.

The big home clear-out began when my baby was five months old. It was summer and my partner was on vacation, so I could set aside time for decluttering. One important reason was that I wanted to make room in our home for the child.

I started with the garden room in our yard, which was packed with things. My motivation came from the idea that, next summer, we could go on outings and spend the night there. The room was full of everything from a bed frame to a desk and books, but I let go of almost all of it.

With each item, I asked myself whether it represents who I am today. Especially with inherited items, I’ve thought about how those things were important to someone else, but that doesn’t mean I have to take care of them. The memories remain even without the things.

We got rid of a huge amount: two trailer loads to the dump, one to a thrift shop, and bags and sacks full of clothes and shoes to charity. My partner and I had lived, just the two of us, in a big detached house, and all sorts of things had piled up. I pared down, for example, old schoolbooks, decorative objects, books, furniture, heirloom ryijy rugs, paintings, mirrors, and photos.

For my partner, parting with the stuffed animals was the hardest, but we talked about how the baby has already received plenty of new ones and that, in the future, they’ll be able to choose their own favorites.

The goal of decluttering paid off: I cleared empty space at home for the child. One of the rooms that had been used as storage became the child’s room, and there’s a nearly empty dresser there where clothes can slowly accumulate. In our living room we had a low display cabinet that was full of tableware. I emptied it, and now it’s waiting for the child’s toys.

I donated a lot of things in excellent condition. It stings to think how much they cost, but I don’t want to spend time selling. Everything I declutter was once money, and that money was time. That’s why I don’t want to spend any more time on the things I’ve decided to let go of.

For example, I gave away high heels I love. After my pregnancy, they no longer fit my feet. Letting them go was an act of self-care for me: I would’ve worn shoes that were too tight despite the pain. At the same time, it’s part of the paradox of parenting, when the new me takes the place of the old.

Letting go of things is a way of caring for myself. Since giving birth, it has become even more important and shows up, for example, in what I eat. When I look after my own energy, it’s easier to set boundaries around stuff.”